Welcome to episode six! Kelinswriter and I are here to regale you with a tale.. you’ve just watched. Anyway! Welcome to the halfway point. Will it be climactic?
The theme song is growing on me. It’s starting to become familiar. Heralding good things in its wake.
Kelinswriter: Adding a “previously on Venice” back in works great. It helped me get back into the rhythm of the episode quickly.
The episode opens with Gina in bed! With who with who? Evil show.
Meanwhile, still morning, and Lara’s writing and drinking. She waxes obsessively at Ani’s picture. “What do you want, Ani?”
Kelinswriter: “Just to clear the head.” Absolutely loved the look on Lara’s face there. She’s just self-aware enough to know that she’s lying to herself and she’s so completely lost. And oh look, her publisher is torturing her with demands for pages again!
I like that Lara re-arranges her hair before she talks to her editor on the phone.
Mmm, shirtless Van.
Kelinswriter: Thank you, show, for Wes Ramsey with his shirt off. Signed, a middle-aged lesbian.
Sami’s calling him! He’s still shirtless.
“[Adrienne’s] pretty upset.” Heh.
“Brandon is not the sharpest tack in the box.” I can’t wait for that to bite him in the ass.
Sami, ever Sami-like, asks him how he is.
“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be.” Oh, woobie Van.
OMG Jake. Did he bring a cake? Oh, doughnuts.
Kelinswriter: Dear citizens of Venice: this is a lock. You will find it in a door. If you turn the lever on the inside of it, then creepy people won’t be able to wander into your house uninvited.
Jake kisses Lara. Evilly.
There’s Ani wandering in. So Lara drinks in the house with Ani there? That’s kind of hardcore, Lara. Jake is there to plan their wedding. It seems like too much, even for trolling. Ani has a doughnut.
Kelinswriter: Ani may be annoyed, but she’s still having a goddamned doughnut. (Smart woman, Ani.)
Kelinswriter: I’m fairly sure that pastry flip at Jake as Ani was walking away was substitute for a middle finger.
Rysler: I wrote that in less eloquent terms.
Jake takes it all in stride. He’s got bridal magazines. And as soon as Ani’s gone, he finds Lara’s bottle and has a drink with her.
“This is not good. Ani doesn’t have the waist for that.”
Kelinswriter: Lara isn’t sure what to think when Jake pulls out that bottle, but I think she ultimately decides that anyone who’s down with her drinking is automatically an ally. Good on her for giving him glare over that snarky crack about Ani’s waistline, though.
Out on a morning walk, Richard is being a hippie in front of his daughter, who sees him for the granola-loving teddy bear that he is. “I bet you were a field trip dad.”
Kelinswriter: That plant looks like the dead snake my neighbors threw into the field across from our houses. It’s very distracting. (Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes.)
Richard has plans and ideas. Sarah would super like to get to know her mother at some point, the way she now knows Richard. Spoiler alert: Too late?
Kelinswriter: These two are so cute together. Richard’s already planning camping trips.
Ah, so it was Logan at the door. 75% of our voters were right! Um. Logan looks good in sheets. Between her and Van I’m not sure I can recap this coherently.
Kelinswriter: Love the crosscutting at the top of the episode. I was pretty sure I knew who was going to be in Gina’s bed, but it created a nice sense of tension. Also, Gina just realized she’s in Hell.
“Stop, stop, stop. This was just all kinds of—”
“Wrong, yeah, I know. Wrong in a good way,” Logan offers.
Kelinswriter: Gina’s pacing. I think she’s trying to figure out how long she has to wait before she can get tested for HIV.
“Where the fuck’s the coffee?”
This is fabulous. Now Logan, sleep with Ani!
I feel like many of us have slept with a Logan. And regretted it.
Logan spins a web. For a split second, barely a flash, I see Gina as that vulnerable woman who got sucked into Logan’s world in the first place, thinking she found an equal, a passion. That they could take over the world side by side. It’s been missing since.
Kelinswriter: As obnoxious as Logan is, she’s making a good point here. Gina has been in a funk for a while, and while that may have been healthy, she has lost a bit of what made her “her” in the transition. I love how Crystal plays these scenes. Gina is so very tempted to give in and buy into Logan’s Master of the Universe-fueled nihilism. You can see the desire to just give in, let go, be the old “live for the moment and damn the consequences” Gina. Also, have I mentioned how much I love when Judi Evans plays a bad girl? Because nobody plays a bad girl quite like her.
As the only man with a real job in Venice, Brandon gets an office! I love his Board O’ Headshots.
Kelinswriter: Owen is (was) 31? Really?
Gina’s stuttering. “We’re over.”
Kelinswriter: Gina’s hanging tough. I love her for that. And although Logan’s none too pleased about it, she’ll happily trade worming her way into Gina’s bed for worming her way into her business.
Logan’s pissed off. Alan calls. Wounded, Logan offers up, “We’re over. I’m in.” So… did we just see Logan’s GOOD side? Holy shit.
That shower did Gina a world of good.
Kelinswriter: Scrub harder, Gina! Harder!
Gina’s all suited up and ready to start her life again. Even though she didn’t listen to Logan. Nope.
Kelinswriter: That house is some serious real estate porn. Damn.
Kelinswriter: I feel the need to point out that Gina is wearing white pants.
Hahahahaha Ani and the Colonel. You had me at hello.
“I don’t have time for this.”
“I don’t understand.”
Kelinswriter: The word is “letter,” Colonel. L E T T E R.
Kelinswriter: Ani has this look on her face like “why is this extremely tall slightly blustery old man that I may have known in a previous life accosting me while I’m carrying my mail?”
Rysler: I need them to be in-laws already.
The Colonel heads off. Ani gets a strange look.
Kelinswriter: I think Ani’s Gina-tracker alert just went off.
Lara’s spectacularly drunk. She invites Jake to hang around. Great. Now he’ll never leave.
Kelinswriter: Lara, you must be drunk if you’re going to let creeper Jake hang around your house unattended.
“You’re so there for me. Why is that?”
“My sister and I have very similar tastes in women.”
WAIT. WHAT. DO THEY COMPETE?
Kelinswriter: I totally called that Jake is after a three way…and drunk!Lara doesn’t exactly seem to mind. Side note: ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew.
This episode instills so many questions.
Gina and Ani arguing. Ani has apparently traveled to find her as she’s leaving for work. I think that means all is right with the world.
Kelinswriter: Ani is taking a tip from the Colonel and randomly accosting Gina on the street. Apparently that’s the only way you get answers in this town.
The Venice-cam cuts to Guya in her backyard.
Kelinswriter: Guya’s Spider sense is tingling!!!!
Gina is oblivious to Guya’s frantic phone call. She has somewhere to be, and she’s mad at Ani. “I have to go to work. I have a healthy snack.”
Kelinswriter: Ani wants answers to the great Colonel accosting mystery, or at least closure that doesn’t take place on a beach. Gina just wants to be left alone. Lara wants to live someplace where she doesn’t have to deal with the 405.
Lara hit Gina with her car!
Kelinswriter: Gina forgot to look both ways. Also she apparently changed into blue jeans in her car. Also…OUCH. That had to have hurt.
Lara hit Gina with her car!
Guya hunches over in pain. Something is very wrong.
Kelinswriter: Guya’s spider sense is in full on red alert. She is not going to handle this well.
Kelinswriter: Lara just keeps driving. This makes Lara a weasel of the highest order. (Also, good luck getting that deposit back.)
Ani looks like one of those dogs whose owner has died.
Kelinswriter: Ani, honey, check her airway. CHECK HER AIRWAY.
Ack. Wait. What’s next!?
Kelinswriter: Best episode of the season so far. I just want to give everyone a hug. Except for Logan….and Jake…and Lara…and Van. Also another shoutout for the editing because it was top notch and helped to create a wonderful sense of tension and momentum. Is it next week yet?