Hello! Kelinswriter (@worddancer21) and I are back to bring you a Venice: The Series recap. I’ve been looking forward to this all week. I’m going to do this like an old-school soap, by storyline, rather than scene. So bear with me!
We open on the cops in their cop-car. Dana reveals she’s bisexual. Minx.
Kelinswriter: Dana’s “I’m a complicated woman” made me laugh.
There’s a fair bit of actual detective work going on. Sami’s fled without a trace–impossible without help. So who would help her? Van’s the prime suspect.
Brandon is in the same position he’s always been. He’s stuck between his duty and protecting Guya. After the hooker incident, he’s still raw and smarting. And after Owen’s death, she’s worse. He doesn’t want to do this again.
Kelinswriter: Brandon’s gut is telling him that Van is up to his neck in Owen’s death and it’s killing him. Poor MIA Guya…there is no way she’s not going to blame herself for this. (Speaking of which, she’s the one who set Owen and Sami up. Ouch.)
Owen’s still in not!heaven, filling out paperwork. And filling out more paperwork. “Are you sure this isn’t hell?” he quips. He gets an earful. His feathery pen is adorable. He also looks less strung out than he did in real life.
Kelinswriter: If Heaven’s waiting room actually is a Social Security office, my mom the lifelong civil servant is going to be really pissed.
As he finally finishes up his epic work, a paper airplane flies into the office. There’s been a delay. A complication.
Kelinswriter: Poor Owen. This is worse than trying to get a refi done during the housing crisis.
Owen can’t go see his mother. Aw. 🙁 He’s frustrated, but ever gentle, ever docile, he sits back down. Come on, Owen. Raise hell!
Kelinswriter: He’s going to be needed? Hmm…..
Gina’s drinking alone at Adrienne’s bar, the Venice Ale House. She’s reliving Ani’s kiss. Ani’s pulling away.
Kelinswriter: I’m wondering why Gina specifically went where Adrienne works to drink and flashback on her recent experiences. Was she wanting commiseration or searching for information?
The kiss, it meant something. Was Ani taking advantage? Is it Gina’s turn to take advantage? Van gave her some advice, in his own ranting way. Her only brother left. “For better or worse.” Van’s words mean something. They’re vows. Gina wants to avow them.
But of course into her private hell comes Logan.
Kelinswriter: Logan slithers in. Literally.
Logan tries to seduce Gina. It’s kind of gross. But kind of hot. And Logan knows it’s hot, which makes it gross.
Kelinswriter: Logan is the devil. The hot blonde devil.
Gina rejects her, which leads Logan to deduce that Gina hasn’t hit rock bottom yet. It’s only a matter of time.
Kelinswriter: The hot blonde sexy touchy feely devil. Gina does the only sensible thing and overtips before running out the door.
Gina’s next stop is the Colonel’s home. The Colonel tries to talk to Gina about Sarah, but she’s on another mission. A MISSION TO PROPOSE TO ANI. The Colonel thinks this is a terrible idea and tries to forbid it, but since he and Gina are on better terms now he relents, and she protests, and there’s a beautiful speech about going for love with all your heart.
Kelinswriter: Okay, nobody fall over dead, but the Colonel is being a good dad here. I like that he’s really digging in and getting into Gina’s motives for wanting to have that engagement ring. It’s about time he stepped up and turned into Gina’s best friend and wisest counsel.
If these two had teamed up for their lives instead of hating each other? Think of what they could have accomplished.
Kelinswriter: Gina’s speech is full of passion and fire and conviction and…this is really gonna hurt, isn’t it?
Gina is going to propose to Ani with her dead mother’s engagement ring. Breaks my heart, it does.
Kelinswriter: That is the definition of impulse proposal, Gina.
Kelinswriter: I get the feeling any party that Jake is at ultimately turns into the best party you’ve ever been to.
The engagement party. The Red Wedding. Jake is trying to get Lara to drink, any way he can, and when she swears she hasn’t, he has her caught in a lie. He’s pleased.
Kelinswriter: Jake is having so much fun setting Lara up for a big fall. He’s almost giddy at the prospect.
“You should not have done this,” Ani warns.
Kelinswriter: Ani’s sneer back at Jake after he says “You and Lara are just you” is my favorite moment of the episode. So much snark in that one little gaze.
Jamie smells trouble. Maybe he’s caught Jake’s scent. But he drags Ani off to demand she tell Gina, right away, like totally tonight, that she’s engaged.
Kelinswriter: As usual, Jamie is having to act as the voice of reason because none of these people seem capable of thinking through their actions beyond the next five minutes.
Ani protests. That would hurt Gina!
Rysler: You were saying?
Lara, of course, overhears. Stupid Jamie and Ani.
Lara is sick of Ani’s shit. Who came blame her? But she uses the language of recovery to manipulate Ani into giving Gina up–which is super-bad, and against the 12 steps, and ugh. Especially since she’s totally, completely lying. So that’s Lara.
Kelinswriter: Lara is talking about Ani’s connection with Gina like it’s an addiction, and it’s a valid point…or it would be if she weren’t lying through her teeth about her sobriety. This is such a train wreck waiting to happen.
Ani readily agrees, though, because that’s Ani. She spent the entire first season trying to get away from Gina’s “crises” and general chaotic asshatted behaviors. She already knows it’s a bad habit, an addiction, and she already assumes, even without Lara, that being with Gina is not an option. Lara, in theory, by existing, is supposed to be making this all easier for her. Lara’s supposed to be a better path. Ani thinks Lara’s the solution to her Gina problem.
Ani ain’t distracted from nothing. But they pretend to be so happy. They might make the newspaper!
Kelinswriter: Of course Jake wants to get into the pictures.
Jake has dropped a match on gasoline, just to watch the world burn. Logan and Alan are there to witness it, each with their own agendas.
Kelinswriter: Logan has slithered to a new bar. And speaking of slithering, here comes Alan. What are these two doing knocking around Venice meddling in romantic intrigues? They should be taking over a small country together.
All of this is dancing around the fact that this episode had one scene. Gina walking in on Ani and Lara (and Drew!cake!) and finding out they’re engaged. Ani’s diamond ring glowing like a nuclear explosion.
Jamie tries to stop it. To be a good enough friend. He doesn’t know he’s up against evil. Jake’s the demon in their midst. Don’t you just love him?
Kelinswriter: Jamie sees Gina and goes into panic mode. This is why you put “closed for private party” on the door, Jamie.
We should be glad Jake and Lara aren’t allies yet. Our agent provocateur has perhaps ruined his sister’s life, and everyone around her. What did she do to him in childhood?
Because what’s Gina going to do next? How is that freeze frame of angst going to be shattered?
Kelinswriter: Oh this is the most awkward, terrible, awful, horrible thing ever. Just…ouch with a capital O. SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING!!!!!! (Please????)
Stay tuned next week for “Holy Shit, This Show!”
Line of the night: “Revolution Tequila. On the rocks. Could use an IV.”
So say we all.